Results of transferring from play-based mostly childhood to a mobile phone-based mostly one

It's the question that keeps some parents up at night how might smartphone use be impacting our kids New York Times best-selling author Jonathan height is a social psychologist and a dad of teens he set about finding the answer in his latest book The anxious generation it's a call to action and it's getting a lot of Buzz this current book is hitting at.

The core of how everyone is feeling kids now average more than 8 hours of screen time a day height says we are witnessing the great rewiring of children's brains as they move from a play-based childhood to a phone based childhood right before our eyes let's give them a real childhood the kind of childhood that that us older people the kind that we.

Look back on the numbers are staggering and height contend smartphone use plays a role rates of adolescent depression in the United States Rose more than 50% from 2010 to 2019 self harm rates for pre-teen girls Rose by more than 150 % he lays out four new Norms that are gaining momentum no smartphones before high school no social media before the.

Age of 16 ban smartphones in schools and more free play the goal giving kids the support and space they need to develop into their best selves we are so happy we've been waiting for this day Jonathan welcome oh I'm so glad to be here with you I mean we talk about this as moms almost every single day day now we have research that.

Says that this is you know not working what does the research what does it show is happening to our kids's brains as a result so well let's start with what we know about what's happening to their mental health the the the video that you just showed really set that up I've been collecting the mental health stats for a long time I've been really studying this.

Since 2019 and what we see is that the levels of depression anxiety self harm suicide they were actually pretty stable from the late '90s through about 2010 2011 there's no sign of a problem um and then all of a sudden out of a clear blue guy you get these very rapid up like for the girls especially it's like a hockey stick they get much more depressed.

Anxious they start checking into hospitals uh psychiatric ws and when I discovered that it wasn't just us when I saw that we see the same patterns in Canada the UK Australia New Zealand and some of the Scandinavian countries I realized like whoa something big is happening here yeah okay we in your book you really outlined that it's different.

For boys and for girls talk to us first about what you've seen with young women yeah so with young women we see much bigger increases in depression anxiety self harm called internalizing disorders they turn it in on themselves because that phone that camera they're looking at themselves right that's right that's right so really the way to understand.

This the difference I think is this if you want to trap an animal you have to find bait that that animal likes and then you have to put it in something where the animal can't escape so what are girls more interested in than boys relationships who's fighting with who who's dating who they have a much more evolved mental map of social.

Social media says hey do you want to see what so and just said about so and so orone said about you and the girls all especially once Instagram comes out 2012 the girls all flock onto Instagram and other visual platforms so that's the lure and now they're trapped because now that everyone's on it yeah you can't if you leave you're alone you're isolated.

So the girls get trapped by social media and it does a number it's the social comparison it's the bullying it's the perfectionism it's the eating disorder content it's the approaches from strange men 15% of adolescent girls get approached by a a some sort of sexual approach each week on Instagram that's horrifying you know what's so crazy.

About the whole thing is parents are letting their kids have phones and one of the main reasons is because we want to know where you are and keep you say we want to make sure nothing bad happens to you if something terrible happens in school you can call us immediately they think it's protecting their child but what's going on here I feel like the.

Worst is getting into their child well first people seem to forget that are things other than smartphones that can allow you to talk with your kid so when so in when my son was in fourth grade it's very important to send our kids out give them some Independence so when he was walking to school I gave him my old iPhone because we didn't know any better.

When my daughter came along a few years later at that age I got her this big pink it was a gizmo watch she could call she could call three numbers she loved it now she was ashamed of it by sixth grade and then I gave you know gave in and gave her a smart phone um would you do that now knowing what you know well no because uh it's very hard if if.

You're the only one but my goal is that from today on no mother will be able will have to hear her kids say Mom I'm the only one because most of us are sick of this the idea that family life in America and all over the world has become arguments about screaming how did this happen I know so so everyone so wait let's talk about boys too since we.

Started good thank you so for how do you trap a boy is it going to be hey do you want to know about the latest gossip not as much right but how about hey do you want to form teams and play war games oh my God yes sign me up Sports battle and the video games they have now are absolutely incredible so the boys get lured in by video games and the other.

Thing is pornography hey do you want to look at naked people having sex you know much they're much sexier than any girl in your grade so so pornography and video games are trapped for the boys it allows them to satisfy their desires without doing anything that would develop them and turn them into men well you know what's so interesting about a.

Phone if you just look around what the phone is doing is it's pulling us down like we're holding the phone our eyesight whenever I feel my best or when you like you are looking up turn your palms up look up like all the things that make you feel good but this phone is p is pulling everyone like gravity down.

Absolutely my first book was called the happiness hypothesis it was about ancient wisdom just from a psychological perspective what did the Ancients know about how to live a good life and we get advice repeatedly that it's not all about you be for others you get advice be slower to judge to for we get advice sit meditate open your heart what does.

Life online do to us what does with the phone do the exact opposite flood your mind with garbage never have a moment of peace Judge quickly you better judge now because otherwise someone will judge you so in so many ways so I have a whole chapter in the book on spiritual elevation and degradation because so is that a way also with your family to go.

Serve to do things to kind of counteract this world that we're living in absolutely the book is based around really two big Ideas the loss of the play based childhood and the rise of the phone based childhood but by the time I finish the book I realized there's a third piece to it which is the loss of community and Kids when kids are rooted.

In real relationships they they are not washed away by social media in fact the data is now showing us very clearly kids in religious families they're a little bit more depressed than they were but the kids in secular families are a lot more depressed and so what this means I that's right what this means I think is that people who are in secular they they.

They have to work harder to root their kids in real stable communities of real human beings so we need to talk about what parents can do what schools can do what what if you un ring the bell how can we unring it because it is possible we're going to talk about all that stuff coming up right after this yeah right so did so your kids are how old are they.

Now we're back with Jonathan height the author of The critically acclaimed book it's called the anxious generation he's helping us understand what he's calling the Great rewiring of childhood that's such a hard term to say yeah and I mean I think this is important we know that smartphones aren't going anywhere but for those that have had the ship sailed.

Jonathan says you it doesn't have to have like we want to talk about this so let's start there if if you have already given your child a phone which you have right is it possible to unring the bell and what does that look like okay so let's talk about it by age uh if you just gave your 10-year-old a smartphone you should really consider taking it.

Back if it's a 14-year-old and her whole life is on and everybody's on it then I I would not necessarily recommend taking it away um so let start with the younger kids they're going to start asking for a phone at a young age I mean my daughter's in fifth grade I would say two-thirds of the girls in the class have cell phone two two right so so what.

They're terrified of is being left out of being the only one now here you you're really holding out the pressure is going to get much more when she goes to to Middle School uh my goal is that no mother ever again will hear I'm the only one what she might hear is Mom some of the kids have a smartphone and some of them don't and.

You say okay well you'll be ones that don't I mean and what you've said about delay delay delay and what you've done maybe in sixth grade give the Gizmo watch right and have that for sixth and seventh like there's ways to hold it off that's right so especially for for if your kids don't have a smartphone yet think about what is it you want to give.

Your kid do you want to give your kid a way to contact you probably so give them you can give them you know an Apple Watch or all kinds of different watches you can give them a brick phone a flip phone I think a flip phone is you know maybe a watch kids watch in elementary school a flip phone or something like that in Middle School the Millennials.

Grew up with flip phones their mental health is fine I grew up with f j jenz is almost defined by the fact that they're the first generation to go through puberty with smartphones and social media that's what I think changed them to a more anxious setting one of one of the things you want to do is you want to get smartphones out of high.

School okay yes so smartphones out of middle school we have do the so you can say oh the phones are here to stay well you know look cars are here to stay but we don't know 11 11y olds drive them so you think they should not have them for middle school that's right that's right this should be a national goal no smarton till for till High School it.

Would make it a lot easier on some parents quite frankly who are on the fence if the if the school just said sorry peace out they said no phones here but how are we going to get schools to do these kinds of things what does it take very easy every teacher hates the phones every head of school hates the phones the constant drama The Bullying.

Totally arranging canap so what is it so then where is it your leaders they they all want to change but what they're afraid of is the parents who say no I have to be able to reach my child so some parents freak out okay so most of us it's it's it's a subset of parents with understandable concerns but we have to realize is our kids are much.

Healthier and even safer if they don't have phones in school let the teachers have phones let the principals have phones and by the way the studies I mean we just did a story there was something in the Wall Street Journal today what happens if principles are taking the phones in high school for example there should be no phones it is magical I've.

Been collecting stories about this when schools go phone free and phone free means you put the phone in a Yonder pouch which locks or in a phone Locker it does not mean you have it in your pocket and the rule is you can't take it out right the schools my kids go to the that's the rule but the kids they just by the way they just did this in Dayton.

Ohio where they didn't have a big elaborate system they did it like TSA the kid walked in they put it in AA envelope they W it didn't cost any extra money they put them aside they saw test scores go up they saw bullying go and now it's the end of the year they they saw it I mean it's been and the the other thing that they all say is that.

For the first time they're hearing laughter between classes I mean that conversations that's right because otherwise and boys talking to girls as opposed to just texting real conversations we have to talk about the the other part which is play play is so important I mean that's a big Cornerstone and you're right that some.

Kids don't go out and magic that's right that's right so the the key Insight here is that we are mammals all mammals play if you've ever had a puppy or kitten they have to play because that's what wires up their brain they practice the skills you know pouncing or chasing whatever it is uh my my dog always wants to you know you know Pull the Rope bone.

We wrestle over it they have to do that to wire up same for human children they have to run around they have to have Thrills they need to move fast on and they need to do it without using that's right because that's the way they learn to judge risk for themselves and it makes it a little scarier which is actually good because.

Then they do it and then they overcome their fears is this the last segment we need one more oh man we need more we have a can you come back next week you have one more can I can I just say uh if parents if you want advice on what to do to give your kids more play go to let grow.org uh we have all kinds of ideas for you and your.

School.org by the way just reading your book over the last couple days I'm emailed the neighbors and said and sent just the one paragraph wrote and I said let's do this flashlight tag right if you do it together if you do it together it's easy and fun you guys get this book it's going to change everything send it to your principal send it to your.

Neighbors it's called the anxious generation we got it at today.com books and everywhere

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