WHAT HAS BEEN DUBBED A FRIENDSHIP RECESSION – WITH 20% OF SINGLE MEN NOW SAYING THEY DON'T HAVE ANY CLOSE FRIENDS. AND MORE THAN HALF OF ALL MEN REPORT FEELING UNSATISFIED WITH THE SIZE OF THEIR FRIEND GROUPS. I RECENTLY TRAVELED TO PHOENIX.
TO TAKE A CLOSER LOOK AT THE IMPLICATIONS OF MALE LONELINESS AND HOW SOME MEN ARE CONFRONTING IT. >> A GREAT WAY TO START OFF 2024, JUST ANOTHER MADE UP. GEOFF: ON A RECENT NIGHT IN PHOENIX, A GROUP OF MEN GATHERED ON A ROOFTOP BAR TO TALK ABOUT.
THEIR GOALS FOR THE NEW YEAR. >> I AM TRAINING FOR A HALF MARATHON, MY FIRST ONE EVER. >> SPEND MORE TIME WITH FAMILY. I HAVE MY GODPARENTS, MY GRANDFATHER. HE WILL BE 91 THIS. >> MAKE MOMENTS LIKE THIS WHERE I CAN SIT AND TALK AND LOOK FOR.
MENTORSHIP AND EVEN OFFER IT. GEOFF: THIS FRIENDS GROUP WAS STARTED BY 38-YEAR-OLD QUINCY WINSTON. AFTER LEAVING THE MILITARY, WINSTON MOVED TO MINNESOTA AND — TO ARIZONA AND STARTED WORKING AS AN I.T. SPECIALIST, BUT FOR YEARS HE STRUGGLED TO.
FIND FRIENDS HERE. WERE YOU FEELING LONELY AND DISCONNECTED? >> DEFINITELY, ESPECIALLY WHEN IT CAME TO HAVING MALE FRIENDS. I DID NOT HAVE ANY. THAT LACK OF CONNECTION PUT ME IN A PLACE WHERE I DIDN'T KNOW EXACTLY WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT.
GEOFF: SO IN MARCH OF 2022, WINSTON TURNED TO THE SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORMS MEETUP AND DECIDED TO INVITE OTHER MEN TO A LOCAL RESTAURANT. >> WE WANT TO A RESTAURANT AND I DIDN'T KNOW WHO WOULD SHOW UP OR IF ANYONE WOULD SHOW UP. GEOFF: SOUNDS NERVE-RACKING.
>> MMHM. [LAUGHTER] AND IT WAS. IT WAS AWKWARD. BUT ONCE THE GUYS CAME IN, AND HEARING SOME OF THEIR EXPLANATIONS, I FOUND OUT WE HAD A LOT MORE IN COMMON THAN I THOUGHT.
GEOFF: SEVEN MEN SHOWED UP FOR THAT FIRST EVENT. >> ARE YOU GUYS WARM? GEOFF: WHICH WINSTON SAYS ONLY HAPPENED BECAUSE OF HIS WIFE. YOU ENCOURAGED HIM TO FORM THIS GROUP. >> I WANTED HIM TO HAVE A SOCIAL LIFE OUTSIDE OF US DOING THINGS.
TOGETHER ALL THE TIME, WHICH WAS GREAT, BUT I STILL FELT LIKE HE NEEDED TO HAVE GUY FRIENDS. >> SHE MADE IT VERY EVIDENT THAT I NEEDED TO MAKE SOME FRIENDS. GO DISAPPEAR. [LAUGHTER] NOW YOU HAVE SOME FRIENDS, YES. COME BACK, BUT, GO.
CHICKEN NEEDS A LITTLE MORE TIME. I AM GRABBING THE HOTDOGS. GEOFF: THE MEN STILL MEET UP ONCE A WEEK FOR ACTIVITIES LIKE THIS BACKYARD BARBECUE. WINSTON'S MEET UP GROUP NOW HAS NEARLY 130 MEMBERS. IT SPEAKS TO THE NEED FOR.
CONNECTION THAT YOUR GROUP IS THAT BIG. IS THAT HOW YOU SEE IT? >> YEAH, IT DOES. WITH ALL THE TECHNOLOGY THAT WE HAVE TO KEEP US MORE CONNECTED, TO WHERE WE CAN COMMUNICATE INSTANTLY WITH ANYONE ANYWHERE, BUT IF YOU NOTICE WE DON'T TALK.
AS MUCH, WE TEXT MORE. A LOT GETS LOST IN TRANSLATION BECAUSE WE JUST DON'T HAVE THAT PHYSICAL CONNECTION. >> I'M THE NEWEST MEMBER OF THE GROUP AND ALSO ONE OF THE OLDEST MEMBERS OF THE GROUP. GEOFF: CONNECTION IS WHAT THIS 61-YEAR-OLD ROBERT MONTGOMERY.
WAS LOOKING FOR. WHAT MOTIVATED YOU TO JOIN THIS GROUP? >> I SAID I NEEDED FRIENDS BECAUSE I DID NOT HAVE ANY. I GOT TIRED OF BEING ISOLATED AT HOME ALL THE TIME. I WORKED AT HOME BY MYSELF AND I DID NOT LIKE THAT.
I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE. [LAUGHTER] GEOFF: MONTGOMERY IS CERTAINLY NOT ALONE. ONLY 21% OF MEN IN THE U.S. SAY THEY GET EMOTIONAL SUPPORT FROM FRIENDS EVERY WEEK. THAT IS COMPARED TO 41% OF WOMEN.
>> SOMETIMES AS MEN WE STRUGGLE TO SAY, I NEED YOU. GEOFF: RICHARD IS THE AUTHOR OF “OF BOYS AND MEN: WHY THE MODERN MAIL IS STRUGGLING, WHY IT MATTERS AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT.” WHAT IS DRIVING MALE LONELINESS? WHY DO MEN HAVE SUCH HARD TIMES.
FORMING FRIENDSHIPS AND KEEPING THEM THROUGH LIFE? >> YOU CANNOT NEGLECT A FRIENDSHIP, YOU HAVE TO WORK AT IT, YOU HAVE TO FIND THE TIME. MY OBSERVATION IS THAT MANY WOMEN ARE JUST BETTER AT DOING THAT AND BUILDING IT INTO THEIR LIVES.
GEOFF: HE ALSO SAYS OVER THE LAST FOUR DECADES, THERE HAS BEEN A STEADY DETERIORATION OF MALE FRIENDSHIPS. >> FOR MEN UNDER THE AGE OF 30, 15% SAY THEY DO NOT HAVE A CLOSE FRIEND. THAT IS UP FROM 3% IN 1990. SO WE HAVE A REALLY DIFFICULT.
CHALLENGE OF HELPING MEN TO FIND PLACES, SPACES AND WAYS TO BE WITH OTHER MEN. GEOFF: LAST YEAR THE U.S. SURGEON GENERAL ISSUED AN ADVISORY, OUTLINING THE DEVASTATING HEALTH EFFECTS OF LONELINESS AND ISOLATION, INCLUDING INCREASED RISKS FOR.
HEART DISEASE, STROKES AND DEMENTIA. WHILE MEN MAKE UP SLIGHTLY LESS THAN 50% OF THE U.S. POPULATION, THEY NOW ACCOUNT FOR NEARLY 80% OF ALL SUICIDES. >> I THINK THESE STATISTICS ON YOUNG MALE ISOLATION AND RELATEDLY SUICIDE RATES IS PART.
IN PARCEL OF THIS DISPLACEMENT OF TIME AWAY FROM FRIENDSHIP. GEOFF: WHAT SHOULD WE BE DOING TO REVERSE THESE TRENDS? >> WE NEED TO BE INTENTIONAL ABOUT MALE FRIENDSHIP. WE NEED TO BE INTENTIONAL ABOUT COMBATING AGAINST MALE LONELINESS AND THAT WE HAVE TO.
CREATE SPACES THAT ARE NOT GOING TO CREATE THEMSELVES. GEOFF: THAT IS AT THE HEART OF A NONPROFIT THAT BEGAN IN AUSTRALIA IN THE 1990'S AND NOWO HAS — AND NOW HAS 27 LOCATIONS ACROSS THE COUNTRY. THE GOAL HERE, TO REACH OLDER MEN, WHO NOW HAVE THE HIGHEST.
RATE OF SUICIDES IN THE U.S. >> I HAD NO IDEA OTHER MEN LIKE MYSELF, WHEN THEY RETIRE FROM WORK, THEY LOSE THEIR WORK FRIENDS AND THEN MOST MEN STRUGGLE TO GET A CIRCLE OF NEW FRIENDS. GEOFF: 74-YEAR-OLD PHIL JOHNSON STARTED SEVERAL MEN'S SHEDS.
AROUND MINNEAPOLIS. A COUPLE TIMES A MONTH, THESE MOSTLY RETIRED MEN COME TOGETHER TO WORK ON PROJECTS AND CHAT. >> MEN FEEL MORE OPEN ABOUT TALKING TO GUYS LIKE THEMSELVES ABOUT HEALTH CONCERNS THEY MAY HAVE. >> A COUPLE YEARS AGO, YEAH.
>> SO THE RESEARCH SHOWS OVER AND OVER AGAIN THAT MEN DO BEST WHEN THEY ARE DOING SOMETHING AND THEY CAN DO IT TOGETHER. GEOFF: IT IS A CHANCE FOR MEN TO SHARE A LAUGH BUT ALSO SEEK ADVICE. >> WE TACKLE SOME TOUGH PROBLEMS LIKE SUICIDE, WHICH IS HIGHER IN.
RETIRED MEN. WE HAVE HAD THREE MEN THAT I KNOW OF THAT HAVE LOST THEIR SPOUSES, AND THERE IS ALWAYS GOING TO BE SOMEONE ELSE IN THE GROUP WHO CAN SAY, HERE IS HOW I DID IT, HERE ARE SOME IDEAS. >> NO, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. YOU HAVE BROTHERS.
YOU HAVE A TRIBE. YOU HAVE A FAMILY AWAY FROM HOME. GEOFF: BACK IN ARIZONA, I WAS INVITED ON A MORNING HIKE WITH QUINCY WINSTON'S FRIEND GROUP, AN OUTING ORGANIZED BY THIS 29-YEAR-OLD WHO SAYS JOINING THE GROUP HAS EXCEEDED HIS.
EXPECTATIONS. >> IT HAS GROWN SO MUCH. WE HAVE BEEN ABLE TO MEET SO MANY QUALITY PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY WANT TO BE VULNERABLE, TALK ABOUT THE THINGS WE LIKE TO TALK ABOUT, ABOUT OUR LIFE, BUILD THAT GENUINE CONNECTION WITH ONE ANOTHER.
GEOFF: IT IS EXACTLY WHAT WINSTON SAID HE HOPED FOR WHEN HE CREATED THE GROUP. >> WE NEED EACH OTHER AND WE NEED THE SUPPORT TO ENCOURAGE AND MOTIVATE OTHER MENT O — OT HER MEN TO SEEK FRIENDSHIP. GEOFF: WINSTON WANTS TO EXPAND HIS GROUP BEYOND THE PHOENIX.
AREA SO THAT MEET UPS LIKE THIS CAN BECOME MORE COMMON ACROSS THE COUNTRY. FOR THE PBS NEWSHOUR, I'M GEOFF BENNETT IN PHOENIX. ♪
